Damn the world of Myspace!

Rebecca aka: Tank Girl! She is the most awsesome of
all of the characters! She is tough, yet kind,
and very very awesome! She can make anyone
laugh! P-p-p-ow!


Which Tank Girl Character are you? WITH PICTURES!
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So today is a little better...I seem to be acting like a yo yo. And I suppose that's ok. I fear for Spring and how she is handling all of this. I was relieved to hear from her today, but she was being the same old Spring by acting tuff. I was telling Stevie last night about Dean and the person he was...that seems to be working out best for me. Thinking of him in that light rather than choices that he made. He was such an incredible person. I think it's rare when you have someone in your life that no matter what they do, they do it beyond well. It's also rare when you find someone so sensitive and good hearted the way he was. I was talking with my mom about him today. She knows Spring more than she knew Dean, but she remembers him well with what she did know about him. She has been through loosing someone to addiction before. She actually has lost two of the most important people in her life to addiction. She pointed something out to me that didn't really occure to me before ( as mom's are great at doing). Given her experiance with situations and people like this before. She said that it is usually the most sensitive people that end up like this. The most giving people that are so open to others that usually can't fight there own battles because it hurts to much.And although they are no longer with us, maybe it is better that way because they have moved on beyond the pain to nothing but love and peace. We all have our addictions, and I pity the person that judges the value of the person's life because of whatever ill choices they decide to make. We all carry our baggage and we have all had our fair share of mistakes. That's what's beautiful about us, our imperfection.
I am afraid that Stevie may not understand all of this. She has never really experianced anything like this before. Being the support beam for someone's grieving. To be honest I fear her patience with not understanding. I keep telling her that it's just going to take some time for me. She say's she understands, and I am sure that she does as much as she can. But how much can one really understand unless they have been through it themselves?
I miss him....

I am not sure how to feel...
I know that God dosn't give you more than you can handle...but sometimes that is hard to believe. My grandfather died last month. He has cancer, and we had all known for a while. So when he passed it was more of a blessing because we knew that he was no longer in pain.
But Dean...getting that call today. It fucking sucks! I am so angry! I dont understand! He was only 27 and I have known him for 13 years...I am so fucking angry! I knew about his drug problem. I have had many addict friends. Some of whom have chosen to get clean others who have tried and given up. He tried several times and mentioned recently that he was going to try again. But he didn't make it. He overdosed on smack yesterday morning.
I am going back and forth between feeling numb and anger. I know this will pass and I know you are supposed to celebrate a persons life. But I just can't! This fucking sucks! I just want my friend back!

I think I have yet to mention that I love my job...I HEART MY JOB!! It's nice to have this feeling. It's nice to work for a company that's going to take care of me, which in turn takes care of Stevie. This is a wonderful change.

In the Englishlanguage
"good" means
AVERAGE
I just realized my
problem...
I don't like the
idea of me being
AVERAGE.

Unfortunatly there is a yin/yang to every situation in life. And sometimes with that balance comes tragic humor and situations that are just plain tragic....


Damn the balance.


I was starting to wonder why The Student Disability Office never offers any solutions for a person with a disability. Maybe it's because this office and the Dean of student services can't even control one of his 55 year old employees in this office from pooping on the floor or in her wastebasket.

You think I am kidding.

I am not.

I work in the Advising Office..thus you visit other offices that could in any way shape or form be related to Advising. One would be the Student Disability Office. Apparently, yet again Rosemarie walked in on Ms. Ann hovering over a wastebasket pants down and all relieving herself and her toxins. ( This is not the first time someone has walked in to see this in all it's disturbing glory.)

Ms.Ann denies this, even to the people that saw this....

Is it me or is there something really wrong with this? This would answer my questions as to why nothing is ever done for students with disabilities. They ignore even matters like this! Don't get me wrong, I do harbor some sympathy for this woman and her "issue". But why am I giving money to ACC and I can't get the help that I need for a learning disability but a woman with a bathroom problem can still be employed even after she has pooped on the floor of the office and her wastebasket???!!!!

Excuse me for being pissed! Excuse me for questioning!Excuse me for feeling a wee bit uncomfortable!

The slip of her hand between intrepid thighs-yearning in her naked truth-I want to see with clarity and taste with sensitivity the flavor created by our moments of wanting-speak to me in lewd tongues-all of your silent desires-mold me-exploit me-show me your primitive sexuality-abandon uncertainty-gain your supremacy-for I am your survile kingdom-our moments of inertia knows no hours but makes us free to explore our insatiable desires-bring me out of my solitude and into the light of you-let us no longer covet the ability to let go...